Remembrance

Every year on July 2nd, I write a poem, sometimes two. I write them as a reminder and a remembrance of someone I care about very much. She passed away on July 2nd 2010. Her name was Renee Michelle Rhodes and she was my best friend until I stupidly let someone get in the way of that. The poems are a way for me to express things that I don’t normally express out loud and a way of helping me confront myself. Here’s one I wrote at the bus stop today.

We have so little time.
Deadlines for work, papers due,
Exam studying, catching the bus.
Schedules make us feel in control of relativity.

We have so little time.
Rehearsals and bills to pay,
Waiting for promotions or lay-offs.
Money is just an idea.

We have so little time
And you grabbed me in seconds,
A race into friendship.
I never understood your smiles.

We have so little time.
We waste it staring at clocks,
Digitized information, and virtuality.
You had a strange and wonderful warmth.

We have so little time.
Fixated on what I could’ve done,
Regret puts me in fast forward.
Death takes away second chances.

We have so little time.
Across the country, now, I look back,
realizing why they call the mountains blue.
I hope my sadness can combine with another.

We have so little time
And you barely lived past twenty.
I hope angels did lead you in
But I’m not religious, like you.

We have so little time.
I have nothing of yours.
I should’ve kept a loving reminder.
I’ll frame my mistakes for nostalgia.

We have so little time.
And it seems I’ve already fucked it up.
I think fondly of the nights you cried, sharing
And trusting me. I should’ve known better but

We had so little time.